Friday, February 11, 2011

Me: 1. Me: 0

So much of my life and keeping it functional is about beating myself at my own game. I have had to figure out how my own psychology works, and then how to get around it. Sometimes, I do this simply by appealing to my own vindictive nature. Other times, I have to just be aware of what sort of things are likely to get in my way (and this I learn from past experience).

I wrote recently about how having a new bike that's fully kitted out for any situation is all part of my plan for not having any excuses to take any transport other than a bike. Well, this is a big part of it. I figured out (from experience)  the sorts of excuses I'm likely to give when it comes to what sort of transport I take, and I worked around them.

A few years ago, I desperately needed to lose weight (I managed to gain about 20kg), so I joined the gym at school. Fortunately, I also had a car. So, I had no excuse NOT to go to the gym, as I could take my gym bag by car (dragging it along by bus would have put me off) and the gym was right there on campus so I had no reason at all not to go, as long as I had an hour free, which I did on most days.

The simple fact is that I am completely and utterly paranoid. I have absolutely no sense of how long things take, so the time I'm using up just getting to places is unbelievably important. I'm also forgetful and paranoid about being forgetful, so taking PT for an hour to get to work is out of the question, because what if I realise part-way that I'd left something at home?? No, just no.

The world isn't out to get me, I'm out to get myself. And I'm also out to thwart myself. And thwart the thwarting. Because I won't stand for any thwarting going on in MY head. I think my brain just exploded.

In any case: I'm self-aware, I'm paranoid, and I am also sneaky enough to be able to figure out ways around a lot of those neurose and get it to work most of the time!


  1. I like you and your thoughts :D (couldn't really think of a more exciting/clever comment, but you do make me smile)

  2. Wow, it is like you are inside my head!
    Of course I also use this to try to rearrange the world to get other people to do what I want them to do, since I have a motto that humans will only do the right thing if you make it easy for them.
    Oh and just so you know, I read and enjoy your blog, so keep on writing! Yay you!