Thursday, May 12, 2011

Why I'm not particularly good at anything

One of the problems with ADHD is that I tend to get bored with things before I get good at them. In fact, not getting good at things quickly is more inclined to make me get bored with them. If I have to keep practicing the same skill over and over again without noticing an great difference, I get fed up with it and try to do something else.

This is one of the problems with going to the gym. If I don't see results of some sort within a few weeks, I start to get frustrated and to despair. I get sick of doing the same thing but to no avail.

It's why I'm having some trouble with my motivation to cycle lately - I hadn't noticed any increase in the ease of the ride (in fact, it got harder and harder for a while) or a decrease in how long the ride takes or even an increased ability to ride in more often, which brought my spirits way down. Even figuring out why I was finding it more difficult didn't help much, because by that point I'd regressed a bit and the thought of having to do a huge amount of work just to get back to the level at which I was a few weeks ago... My goodness, that's a horrible thought.

It's easier to just give up and not do it. Having to do the whole thing again, or having to put massive effort into achieving a really minor improvement just doesn't seem worth while, especially when I see other people putting in less and achieving the same, or even more.

Then there's the fear of seeing just how far I've regressed, which is even more reason to not do it because if I avoid it, then I'll avoid the frustration of knowing I used to be better at this, and being annoyed at myself for letting it slip.
It kind of makes you feel a bit failsome and lazy. That brings me down even further, and really reduces my motivation to do anything. So, I've employed my husband to make me do some riding. There is a point where I just need someone to help keep me going, because I am beyond being able to do it myself.

Here's hoping that it works.


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