Feet are evil.

There are few body parts which are worse to have cold than your feet. Nose is ok, you can wrap your hands around it and catch the warm breath. Hands are fine, as you can breathe on them, rub them together, put them under your arms, between your thighs, in your pockets... Very versatile when it comes to warming.

But not so with feet. I think feet got angry about being not-quite-hands. They are all useful on other great apes and are climbed with and gripped with and you can do all sorts of things with them. But the first time human feet appeared, I think they knew they’d been gypped. Suddenly, walking was the only thing they were good for. And they knew it.

So, they sought revenge. They thought long and hard about the best way to get back at humans for changing them into these single-purpose, next-to-useless, kind of ugly appendages.

They got COLD. They knew that we’d be more or less helpless against it - you can get around with your hands being warmed by another body part, but not so with feet. They knew that society would frown upon us taking weird poses to try to get some life back into those toes; they knew we wouldn’t be able to do a thing for most of the day.

Feet are evil, vindictive, nasty things and should be replaced with something nicer.

This post was brought to you by the fact that I’m stuck in a freezing cold office with NO HEATING and my FEET are FROZEN.